Our study for the last two lessons has centered on the principle of harmony in our closest relationships. Last week, we looked at the concept of submission in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33) and discovered that submission has nothing to do with the order of authority, but rather, governs the operation of authority…how it is given and how it is received. God has established the order: husbands over wives; parents over children; and employers over employees. Submission never changes that order. In the act of washing His disciples feet, Jesus gave a powerful example of how authority is properly exercised.

Before we get into today’s verses, let’s review Ephesians 5:18-21 to be sure we grasp the foundational principle for all Biblical submission:

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. (Ephesians 5:18-21)

No amount of human effort or human commitment will ever bring about any consistency of behavior that could honestly be described as Biblical submission. Only the indwelling Holy Spirit, expressing the very life of Jesus in and through the believer will ever cause that to happen.

Now let’s look at this principle in other relationships within the family:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4)

The Greek word hupakouo (hoop·ak· oo ·o) appears 21 times in the New Testament; 18 times it is translated "obey", but in Acts 12:13 it is translated "answer"…see how important context is? Hupakouo comes from two other words, hupo that means "under or beneath" and akouo that means "to listen or hear with attention". The idea is that children should listen with attention to what their parents say and comply with their authority under which they live.

Paul goes on to support his contention by quoting the fifth commandment of the Decalogue found in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. To my knowledge, this is the only instance where Paul uses "the law" to support his instruction on Christian behavior (Galatians 3:15-29). And notice to whom it is directed? Children. Paul sees "the law system" as a tutor that keeps the spiritually immature in check and leads them to Christ. When the indwelling Christ becomes their life, the law has no place in their lives…they are led by the Spirit of Christ…the law didn’t die, they did! (Romans 7:1-13)

Notice the admonition Paul gives to parents: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The Greek word that is translated both "provoke" and "anger" is the same word: parorgizo (.par·org· id ·zo). Para implies movement toward and orgizo means to anger or irritate. The idea I get here is that parents are not to do things just to anger their children.

Paul goes on to say that parents should bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. What does that mean? What do you do if that makes them angry?

The Greek here for discipline is paideia (pahee· di ·ah) and nouthesia (noo·thes· ee ·ah) for instruction. Nouthesia is "the training by word," whether of encouragement, or, if necessary, by reproof or remonstrance (an earnest present-ation of reasons for opposition). In contrast to this, the synonymous word paideia stresses "training by act", though both words are used in each respect. In both words there is the appeal to the conscience, will, and reasoning faculties.

I want to draw your attention to the last phrase of this instruction…of the Lord. It seems to me there can be two quite different understandings of this instruction that pivot on this phrase. I suspect the more common understanding goes something like this: Parents are to study the discipline and instruction of the Lord and teach it to their children. That concept certainly seems to fit with the Old Covenant approach as found in Deuteronomy 6:7 and 11:19: You shall teach them (the commandments that God was giving) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.(NKJV)

I believe this approach has contributed significantly to children resenting God, who has been portrayed as a "kill joy" who takes all the fun out of life. And when they see their parents not "obeying God’s commands", their resentment of God spills over to the parents as well.

A second possibility seems more in line with the Paul’s teaching of the Christ life and I believe would be infinitely more effective with our children: Parents are to submit to Jesus; allow Him to surrender in them; allow Him to become their life and to express his discipline and instruction through the parents to the children.

"Your behavior last night is unacceptable…taking something, anything, that does not belong to you is wrong. Why is it wrong? Because it violates our civil laws and more importantly, it violates God’s law…Thou shalt not steal! How do you think God feels when you disappoint Him like that?  Furthermore, it’s an embarrassment to your Mother and me…it looks like we’ve failed to give you a proper upbringing! Now what punishment do you think you deserve? What will it take to deter you from ever doing anything like this again? You will have to confess your sin to the storeowner, you will be grounded for a month and you will receive no allowance for that time. What do you have to say?"

"I was really disappointed with your behavior last night and I suspect you were as well. How would you have felt if the roles had been reversed? Suppose the storeowner came into your room and took something that belonged to you? How would you feel? What would you want to have happen? I know you are aware that my behavior is not always what it should be either. Failing to do what is right catches all of us, but it gives us a choice: try to cover it up and keep it in the dark or admit our mistake and bring it into the light. I have discovered that the second choice works better. I want to be sure you understand that your actions in no way diminish my love for you…my disappointment takes nothing away from my love for or commitment to you. What should your punishment be? I think you’ve been punished enough already…if you want some ideas on how to handle the situation at this point, I’ll be happy to share my thoughts, but I trust you will allow the Jesus who lives inside you and me to lead you in the right direction. Oh yes, He was inside you last night as well…His indwelling presence never leaves us or takes away our choice…it doesn’t keep us from making poor choices anymore than it did Adam and Eve. I also want you to be confident that your actions last night in no way diminish God’s love for you…He wasn’t even disappointed…He knew what you would do before you did it. But because He loves you so much, He wants the very best for you…so do I! I’m really glad He let me be your father!"

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